Holy Crap ...

I feel like every time I blog I begin with the thought about how long it has been since the last time I posted ... but every time it's true. So, next time it's my goal to post sooner, damn it!

Anyhow ... I've been slacking. I hate it. It's only been this past week really. It's my recovery week, but frankly it's been my off week. I worked out the 3rd and my next one was the 10th. That's ridiculous! There is no real reason why I didn't ... but I made an excuse everyday. And that makes me sick! I've always made excuses as to why I don't do anything to get healthy, and I'm not going to let myself fall back into that now. I did start working full time at work (after being part time throughout college) so by the end of the day I was wiped out. But that's NO EXCUSE! So, I completed my workout yesterday and today, and I will tomorrow. And on Tuesday I will begin month 2 strong! In the past I would just have given up after slacking for a week and left it at that ... but now I'm not content with doing that. That week is in the past, and I just need to keep pushing forward from here.

What really concerns me though is my eating habits. I can do really well one day, but the next all I want to do is eat poorly. Honestly I didn't think of this until right now, but maybe it's a lack of some nutrient that makes me crave naughty foods. I haven't been taking my vitamin regularly ... maybe they'll help. But anyhow, I have a problem where I can't say no to naughty foods ... I just can't! I can hold off for a while, but I always eventually give in. And then I feel like a failure. I'm addicted to the way I ate for years, and it is so hard to change. I was doing really well when I wrote down everything I ate, then I stopped and it went downhill from there. See? I can see the things that help me succeed but they're just things that I can't/don't stick with. I don't know why when I know it works .... I just don't know about myself sometimes ...

Day 27

I began this blog to help myself be more accountable about my journey to get fit ... frankly I find myself on here following other blogs much more. I'm finding it helpful to hear other people's stories. The problem is I've been leaving my own out. So last week I had pulled a muscle in my groin so I rested all week. I began my week 3 workouts this week instead so I didn't miss any. When I began working out again I found that suddenly I had way more upper body strength. It's so weird but now I can do pushups properly ... granted not a lot yet, but on my toes none the less. I'm also able to follow my workouts closer with less rests. I'm feeling so strong and I love it. NOW the problem is my joints are feeling the stress. I went and got a supplement to help with joint support because Insanity is hard my body. But I still love it. It's hard to believe I'll be starting week 4 next week. My problem before was that I'd begin a weight loss plan and start seeing some results and then stop. I don't know why, but I would never see it through to my goal. This workout I look forward to everyday and I'm so thrilled about that.

One thing that is a struggle for me is my diet. I'm not on a "diet" so to say, but I'm watching my calories and my choices overall more closely. I'll do really well and then have a bad day or two, and then do really well again. I need to learn how to say no to the foods that I love that are just bad choices. It's so hard. Especially at work when people bring food in ... I just can't say no. Which, I suppose, is not a big deal ... but then I need to learn how to just have a little and not gorge myself. I am pretty proud of my alcohol intake lately. I go out with my friends all the time, and now I'm at the point where I have no desire to drink because of the extra calories. I don't need them, or want them. I went out earlier this week and had a drink and a couple of shots and that was it. Tonight I had one shot with a friend and had water or diet soda the rest of the night. I'm pretty proud of that. Most night I wouldn't even know how much I drank because thats just what we would do. That kind of makes me sick to think about it. I'm proud that I can go out and not need to drink because aside from my other weaknesses with food, that was where a lot of my empty calories would come from.

Overall I keep making small steps in the right direction along with my hardcore exercise program ... eventually I'll get where I want to be. I just hope my joints feel better with the extra supplement ... that would really get in the way of my workouts.

~*Sweet dreams*~

Day 16: a pain in the you-know-what!

Maybe if I get myself to actually blog daily, I'll stay better on track. Who knows, but I know I slipped up again this past weekend. I don't know what it is, I'm usually so great about working out and eating decent during the week but then the weekend comes and *BAM* down the crapper it goes. Well ... regardless I took some measurements on Sunday and my fit test Monday. I've lost 8 inches thus far, and that makes me so happy! No pounds gone yet, but I know that'll come eventually with all this muscle I'm building. I also had improvements in all categories of my fit test ... all except for the globe jumps. Those kick my ass hardcore.

So today I had off, and normally I get my workout done before noon but that didn't happen today. I was up bright and early to take my friends kids to school, but later I came home and took a nap ... a 3 hour nap! :( What was that about? I just couldn't wake up, I felt so exhausted! Apparently I needed the sleep, but it threw off my whole day. Then as the day passed I noticed that I must have pulled a muscle in my groin because it is hurting! Walking up the stairs especially hurts. So I'm going to rest today instead and see how it feels tomorrow. I feel so guilty for not getting my workout in, but I also know how hard Insanity is on my body and I'm pretty sure I don't want to do even more harm.

I hate this guilty feeling though. I've been so into this workout it's ridiculous ... it's not something that I'm used to. I've liked working out before, but not to the point where I look forward to it ... and I sure do look forward to this one! :) So instead of making myself feel guilty, I'll just keep on top of my diet, and jump back into it when my groin is through screaming at me ... hopefully it'll be better tomorrow.

Day 11: ahhhhh stretches

I love recovery days! And today I am even more proud than usual ... I was able to do almost everything in todays workout. I did have to shake it out a bit during the holds and this one nasty plank exercise, but only for a second and then jumped back in! I can feel my strength increasing. I can feel myself becoming more flexable. And I can already see a difference in my body! I made a resolution not to go overborad on the scale, so I won't weigh myself until 30 days is up. BUT I am taking pics and measurements before each fit test to track my progress. I'm really excited to do that on Sunday. I can't wait for what I see when I put my pics together :)

Day 10: i'm bad at this game

So I hadn't really been a blogger before, and I haven't kept a journal in years ... but I wanted this to be a daily update of my progress, and somehow I've skipped 5 days. Go figure. The good news though is that I'm still going strong with Insanity. I haven't officially taken any new measurements/weight but I was curious and checked my waist ... down an inch and a half ... as of a couple of days ago.

I'm a bit frustrated with myself, because my eating habits still aren't where they should be. I also need to remind myself that I spent years and years with poor eating habits. And I'm not kidding ... I used to be able to eat so much, and so much JUNK! There has been a huge improvment in my diet. I eat breakfast. I eat regularly. I eat a lot of protein, so I rarely think about eating. This is good and bad. Bad because I should be eating more calories than I think I am during the day. Good because then I don't feel the need to binge. I think my big problem is I'm not writing down what I'm eating. I even have the notebook and pen in my purse ... so what's my excuse?? ... I don't have one. I just don't do it. It's a pain to log my calories ... but even just writing down what goes in my mouth makes me so much more aware. Another downfall of mine is work. There is always food ... and GOOD food! Lots of Mexican food ... and Doritos ... and sweets .... and it's awful!! I really need to learn how to look at my favorite foods and say no. Even if I'm fully satisfied I have such a hard time passing these things up. I really need to work on that.

I also need to work on blogging more. Digging deeper into what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling. I feel like I'm so used to just skimming the surface when I talk about how I'm feeling, that its difficult for me to really get in there and pull out the important stuff. I really feel like my job has gotten me used to small talk, because that's all I do everyday ... with my customers, not my coworkers. Which happens to be the group of people I'm most open with.

Day 4: officially addicted

Okay okay, so I skipped a day. Blogging that is ... I did my workout for sure, and man was it killer! Yesterday was rough. My thighs hurt so badly I could barely walk up and down the stairs ... literally. I was dying at work, and I was telling my coworkers about Insanity and I demonstrated a move for them, and moving made my legs feel better. I realized then that my day 3 workout would do me some good and I couldn't make the excuse that I was too sore to work out. So I did. And it did feel great. But my legs still killed the rest of the night.

Today though is much better. Only my calves are sore, and they're not even that bad. I realize that I keep complaining about the soreness, but it really does make me feel good. Just when it's not so extreme as it was yesterday. Then I become a baby, and complain to whoever will listen. haha ohh well. But working through it helps. And today's workout Cardio Recovery was perfect. There were some squats and lunges that sucked, but the rest was yoga poses and felt amazing. Still a good workout even though it was slower paced. I also didn't eat too good today. I took a friends daughter out to lunch and she wanted McDonalds. UGH. Makes me sick just thinking about it ... then my body was wanting more bad food after that and I had Chex Mix and some baked Cheetos ... they could have been worse choices but still make me feel guilty. So I just have to jump back in starting over with breakfast tomorrow. Oh well ... I'm not going to deny myself a cheat now and then. I just have to learn to make them a rare occasion, and not let it ruin my whole day. That's a lesson that will probably take a while to learn.

I'm kind of nervous for tomorrow's workout though ... seems tough!

Day 2: holy ridiculous Batman

So I work up bright and early this morning easier than ever. I felt like I slept better than I have in a long time ... and I thought I slept good all the time. I ran some errands, made myself breakfast, and worked out all before noon. Now ... I'm 25, on a normal day off I'd barely be getting up much before noon. I felt great.

As for Plyo Cardio ... ohhh my good Lord. It was so hard! Insane doesn't even begin to describe it. Now, I'm not an athlete so I knew I'd struggle at first, but I guess I didn't realize just how little upper body strength I had. Which meant I could barely do the majority of the plank series. I was frustrated ... but I am just that much more motivated to do it. To be able to keep up eventually will be great.

Now though, I am exhausted. My eyes are heavy, my muscles are ridiculously sore, and I'm not looking forward to going to work before 8am. :( Boo! I am however still looking forward to tomorrow's workout. And meals ... I've been doing really well with the eating plan. The odd thing is, when I'm actually watching what I eat, I have a problem eating enough calories. When I couldn't care less it's easy to consume a ridiculous amount of calories ... but I was still a few hundred calories short today. I'm trying to block my meals better, but sometimes it's a challenge. But my body is thanking me for the good food I'm now feeding it ... it's a huge difference from the nutrient lacking junk I used to feed it ... though my digestive system is still getting used to the extra fiber lol ... oh well. Cest la vie!

Day 1: woah!

Insane doesn't even begin to describe my first impression of Insanity. But for some reason I find myself craving tomorrow's workout. I put off the workout until this evening because I was feeling lazy, I went to the mall with a friend, made dinner, had a headache ... overall I didn't want to do the fit test. Man was it difficult! Now, I'm not an athlete, nor have I been working out regularly for quite some time ... but I'd have to say I did pretty well for my first fit test. My results were as follows:

Switch Kicks: 69 Globe Jumps: 7
Power Jacks: 35 Suicide Jumps: 7
Power Knees: 70 Push-up Jacks: 7
Power Jumps: 5 Low Plank Oblique: 39

Not too shabby for my first time ... and a lot of the numbers are comparable to other people's numbers as well. Except for the power jumps ... I was feeling so exhausted for that one! I am just so excited for the results and progress I will be seeing in the next 60 days, and beyond. I'm thrilled to lose some weight as well as push my body to do things it's never done before. This is a real challenge, and I'm up for it. I weighed myself today, took my measurements, and my before pics. I really want to be able to track my progress; if not in pounds then in inches ... or both if I'm lucky.

I'm exhausted! I'll blog more tomorrow since I have off ... until then, I need more water ... and sleep!

Happy

I have lived almost my entire life overweight. Not an uncommon story for many, but I do feel mine is a bit different. I have watched The Biggest Loser religiously since about the second or third season, I watch other's weight loss struggles on DHC, I've read countless stories. They all seem to have one common bond: the weight gain stemmed from some sort of trauma or unhappiness. And I feel as though there is a nasty stigma associated with obesiety that if you are overweight, you can't possibly be happy. I'm going to say right now that it is just not true.

I am happy.

While I, like many, went through a phase in my teens where I was miserable and the world hated me ... my life has been and continues to be great. I am 25 years old and every year continues to get better. I'm pretty sure that part of my weight problem comes from eating out of boredom. When I was young my brother and I would come home from school on the bus, and there was never much to do since we weren't able to participate in many after school activities. So, we'd watch television ... and eat, and eat, and eat. It didn't matter how many loaves of white bread he would devouer, my brother never seemed to gain a pound. I on the other hand, was not so lucky. And so out of eating this junk I grew to love some of the worst foods possible ... and honestly I still do.

My point here is, while I currently weigh 212 pounds being only 5'3" tall, I am not unhappy with myself. I would try to lose weight here and there because I know that I "should" for health reasons, but my problem and the reason I'd continually fail, is that I had no motivation whatsoever to lose the weight. Sure I could buy some cute clothes in a smaller size, maybe guys would start noticing more ... but those aren't things that I necessarily care about, and therefore not motivation for me to change.

I've given numerous programs a shot, and even seen results ... the problem is that when I begin seeing results; I STOP. I can't explain why because I don't really know. It might be a fear of being different than I've always been, a fear of becoming a different person than I've always been ... that's my only explanation. Because I've been so content lately with my life I haven't given weight loss much though at all ... until I saw an infomercial for Insanity. I already own another of Shaun T's workouts called Hip Hop Abs, which I also saw results from then gave up. I'm not sure what it was about this one, but it got my attention. It looks harder than anything I've ever tried, and that made me curious. When I work out I like a work out, I need to sweat ... a walk around the block doesn't do much for me. I know that even a walk has it's benefits, but the workouts I enjoy are the sweaty ones. The hard ones. The ones that make you push. And so Insanity sparked interest in me, and a motivation to do it. To not give up this time, and see this one through.

I actually received Insanity last Monday in the mail. However, I've been battling a cold for the past week. Since I know the program is difficult, I wanted to wait until my cold was mostly gone to begin: I didn't want to set myself up for failure. So, tomorrow is my start date. I will be taking my measurements and before pictures and posting those soon. I'm excited to see what the next 60 days has in store for me, and to see just what kind of transformation can take place.